Jan 15Crash at the Crush: Ninety Days in Work HellIn 1896 William Crush had a beautiful, horrible idea. It was the kind of idea that took into account human nature and monetized it almost perfectly. There were always spectators at train wrecks. If you’ve ever had a commute on a busy highway, you know why. We’ve all been stuck…Work8 min readWork8 min read
Dec 30, 2022A New Year’s Blessing: 2023You’ve made it. Once again, in an era too likely to be in history books, here at the beginning, here at the end, you’ve made it through another year. Not without struggle, not without loss, not without the sacrifice of things you’d held dear. …New Year3 min readNew Year3 min read
Dec 15, 2022The Living Christmas TreeEvery year, around this time, someone asks me why I hate Christmas music, usually as I stuff earplugs in and layer headphones blasting podcasts over that. I try not to be a spoil sport. I try to hear as little of it as possible while simultaneously letting other people have…Mental Health6 min readMental Health6 min read
Nov 30, 2022Maladaptive DaydreamingMy first imaginary friend was a mother who could love and protect me. You’d think, from a kid who grew up to be a writer, this would be some entirely new concoction, a woman of strength and poise who towered over my abusers. You’d think she’d be someone with magic…Mental Health5 min readMental Health5 min read
Nov 15, 2022Enough SpaceI never stopped thinking about what I would do if my parents turned up at my apartment. Not really, not entirely. I redirected the thoughts, reassured myself, relied on logic and patterns of behavior to assure myself that it would never happen. Still, I found myself making plans. It would…Mental Health4 min readMental Health4 min read
Oct 31, 2022Therapy Updates: Solo WorkI’ve forgotten most of Twitter’s main characters of the day. A few stand out, but for the most part, what exactly happened doesn’t survive the wash of time and more interesting trends. That said, I think about Beans Dad at least twice a week. For the blessed unfamiliar, Beans Dad…Mental Health3 min readMental Health3 min read
Oct 30, 2022A Fish Discovers WaterI don’t know who discovered water, but I’m certain it was not a fish. I’ve never understood safety. It’s one of those concepts that I understand the broad idea of, can appreciate why people yearn for it, and have never experienced for long enough to fully grasp the felt sensation…LGBTQ6 min readLGBTQ6 min read
Oct 24, 2022Therapy Updates: Session EightI went into this session so optimistic. I’d done so much work and was excited, not to be patted on the head for it, though I certainly wouldn’t have turned that down, but to find the perimeters of the wall I’ve been hitting and start finding ways to break it…Therapy3 min readTherapy3 min read
Oct 17, 2022Therapy Updates: Session SevenAfter nearly two months my therapist knows me well enough to start identifying my patterns, and this week she hit nothing but homeruns. We talked about the dissociation, how hard it can be to not slip into a frozen state any time I’m stressed, overwhelmed, need to drown out my…Mental Health4 min readMental Health4 min read
Oct 15, 2022They Tell Me I Seem HappierThey tell me I seem happier since I started taking testosterone, and I believe them. It doesn’t feel like happiness, but I understand how they got there, can see the ruler they’re using and how I measure up. I can see how my changing behaviors are being weighed against a…Mental Health5 min readMental Health5 min read
